Kamis, 09 Desember 2010

What Is Love? What Does It Mean To Say I Love You Versus I'M In-Love With You?



What is love?

I think love is a commitement between two people. Trust, communication, closeness and mental & physical attraction are the bridge to developing a strong connection and building a relationship. Many people would argue that love is a feeling and it is.

There are actually different kinds of love. The one I'm talking about above is real love, which is also called mature love. Romantic love is more of a mixture of strong feelings of mental or physical attraction and a strong feeling of caring for the well being and safety of another.

People can feel romantic love for a long time, but it typically only lasts for 2 years. That doesn't mean that people cannot fall romantically in-love with each other again many times throughout their relationship, but it's important to understand that romantic love is more of a chemical thing that mother nature uses to make sure we make babies, and we should not expect those feelings when we first met to be there all the time. Romantic love is just too intense to sustain indefinitely.

It's completely normal for your romantic feelings to change. Sometimes you may feel very passionate and other times you may feel more like a best friend and that's completely normal, because every relationship goes through phases. That's why its so important to have a strong friendship. Sometimes you will want to be closer and other times you'll want to feel more independent. The main things that will influence your romantic connection with your partner are stress, trust and mental & physical attraction.

Stress is the number one reason why couples fall out of romantic love in less than 2 years, but they can get it back by removing the stress and rebuilding their connection. However, this requires you to rebuild trust with your partner and forgive them for their mistakes. After all, we are all human and there is no one that doesn't make mistakes or piss off their partner. There are lots of examples of people who are happily married, yet each partner does things that are irritating to the other person. The important thing is learning from your mistakes, taking responsibility, and remaining optimistic about your life and your partner.

This is why coping with stress and really listening to your partner are the most important things in any relationship. Everything is great when people are happy; when long term stress enters the picture, the romance dies.

People cope with stress in a variety of ways: by avoiding stressful situations, changing jobs, changing friends, and changing their lifestyle. In most cases, people are happier when they make small changes in life; big changes typically make people less happy than they were when they thought they needed to make a big change, and it's very common for things to not go as expected and then be unhappy about that too. The key is to manage your stress before it becomes overwhelming and effects your relationships and your self esteem.

Different ways of dealing with stress include: sleep, meditation, positive self talk, power naps, exercise, tanning, chocolate, massage, jumping in the spa, small amounts of OTC meds like asperin or tylenol, getting out into nature on a nice day, physical intimacy, good food, laughing, smiling, talking to people about what's bothering you, playing with your pet (especially puppies), giving and receiving physical affection, talking to people that are in a good mood, anything that would make you feel better about yourself and anything that would bring back postive memories that would make you feel better.

All these things essentially distract your mind and body from the things that were bothering you to let them recharge and feel rested. Over time you can forget or at least become desensitized to any traumatic experience (through counseling, time and sleep, or sharing what happened with someone that is emotionally supportive); the hard part is not letting that trauma affect how you react in negative ways. This is called emotional baggage or emotional scars; and, almost everyone has them if they were in a relationship that didn't work out or had traumatic experiences in their life.

The number one barrier to loving and developing a strong connection with another person is trust, which means sometimes you have to make a leap of faith, open up, and let yourself be vulnerable to the person you love. If you don't take a risk by trusting your partner, even when they make mistakes, you are dooming yourself and your relationship to failure.

There should also be a healthy balance between work, sleep, personal time, time with your significant other and time with your family and friends. It's okay if things overlap as long as it doesn't create additional stress. If you notice that you're spending way to much time driving, working, playing games or watching tv, then it would be a good idea to find a way to restore balance in your life.

The best way to manage stress is to prevent it and not set unrealistic expectations of yourself or the people in your life. You'll notice that people won't irritate you or make you angry as much if you truly accept them for who they are, with all their faults, and really understand them. Being judgemental, critical or setting unreasonable expectations is a quick way to mess up any relationship by making your partner feel uncomfortable.

People will change if they want to, but only if they are willing and believe the change will benefit them. Bad habits typically take two months to completely break, and people quickly become overwhelmed when they are expected to change too many things at once. Remember that building a great relationship takes time and a lot of open communication. Sometimes the easiest way to help a person change their habits is to change their environment or the aspects of it that trigger the bad habit. It's unrealistic for a person to change more than 1-4 habits in any two month period depending on how compulsive the person is, their ability to monitor themselves all day, and how difficult the habit is to change. In some cases they may need someone to help them consistently because they won't realize that they're doing it. Just remember, we can change how we behave to fit in and meet social expectations, but we cannot change who we are unless our values change priority.

Sometimes people have to realize that everyone is different for a reason and those differences make us stronger in some areas and weaker in others. This is just like valueing diversity in the workplace, except we're valueing diversity in our friendships and relationships. The important thing is that we learn from each other and value our differences without trying to change others against their will. This is why it's really important to listen to people and not think you already have it or them all figured out.

What does it mean to say "I love you"

I love you can mean I care about you deeply or I'm falling in-love with you, so they feel comfortable saying it. It could also mean I'm in-love with you, which is totally different. Often when someone tells you they love you for the first time or even the hundredth time, it means that they care about you a lot; it rarely means they are in-love with you unless they don't really understand their own emotions and they're confusing romantic love with real love. In other words, there is no reason to freak out just because someone says I love you and it hasn't been that long since you started being boyfriend and girlfriend. Intimacy makes people bond a lot faster and develop feelings for each other. Just don't be afraid to ask questions and be honest.

If you read the beginning of this article, I mentioned that real love is a high level of commitement and trust in another person. It's possible to give that level of commitement to someone in a short period of time, but it wouldn't be wise unless you did a lot of thinking from a very objective and analytical point of view to really know that they are the right person for you.

When is I love you too much?

It's too much when your partner isn't reciprocating your feelings, and saying it all the time even though your feelings may be strong isn't necessarily a good thing because your partner may think you're insincere about how you really feel. If you notice your partner is getting overwhelmed with emotion, mellow out and apply the breaks on what you say. Usually good times and friendly communication can get them to open up to you again as long as you didn't go too far.

What does it mean to be in-love?

Being in-love with someone is more than just loving them; it's a serious commitement and a level of faith that few people are willing to give. The best way to describe it is having a very strong connection and feelings for another person to the extent that you would do almost anything for them. You would protect them if that meant putting your life in danger, put them first above all others, and treat them like they are a part of your family. You think of them all the time unless you're really busy, and you are willing to put them first, compromise by doing things that you may not want to do and do almost anything to help them or avoid losing them.

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Guys Like Girls With These Four Features



Posted: Mar 15, 2007 |Comments: 1 | Views: 3,619 |

Do you know what four features men find most attractive in women? You may think it is four physical features in how women look that guys like, and though the outward presentation may draw him to her, that is not what keeps him there.

Feature #1: Energy

Guys like girls with energy that is upbeat, confident, and nurturing. Nurturing is feminine and that is the energy that a guy cannot resist. If you laugh a lot, like to get out and do things, enjoy cooking and keeping a nesty home, and are confident in yourself and your work, it doesn't matter what you look like. If you have a sense of humor and a heart of forgiveness; and if you understand boundaries and don't let people take advantage of you, your energy is magnetizing! Your positive energy allows you to see the good in others and to give compliments freely and honestly. You could look like Godzilla but it doesn't matter: guys cannot stay away from you.

Feature #2: Handled Baggage

Guys like girls to come to a date with their baggage handled. If they have to spend more than 20 per cent of their time listening to your problems, and how some jerk did you wrong, they don't want to be there. Bring your old relationships to a satisfying completion. Mend fences, tell others goodbye, and deal with your unfinished business. Problem issues from your past, known as baggage, will weigh you down. Whatever you haven’t cleaned up or cleaned out, you will carry with you. A strong foundation is one where you have mourned your losses, let go of destructive people, asked for forgiveness, and forgiven others.

Feature #3: Handle Your Money

Guys like girls who are "grown up" and have handled their money, which shows they are not trolling for a sugar daddy. This is the feature that many singles want to skip over and find someone else to handle for them. Handle your money problems, once and for all. Get your career on track, pay your debts before you spend for anything else, and live BELOW your means. Until you do this, you are not ready to be a partner for anyone. To further put this feature in place, look for ways to earn more and spend less.

Feature #4: Values

Finally, guys like to date girls who have values. What characteristics do you value the most in others? Is it loyalty, honesty, humor, kindness, or fairness? Whatever you find most important, if you are not honoring that quality in your own life, you will never be happy. Usually, when people are stuck in their lives and can’t figure out why they do not feel totally fulfilled, they have to search for the missing value. I have a client who was miserable in her life. After months of discussion, she finally revealed that she was trying to ignore the evidence that her boyfriend was not honest at his job. She was conflicted in her feelings for him and the way he avoided answering any questions about his business. She was emotionally crumbling under the weight of living with someone who was not honest.

The truth about values is that you may think you can ignore what you really believe in, but when you do, you will never feel quite right in your life. There will be this nagging, nagging little voice that constantly hovers around you and whispers in your ear, reminding you that something is wrong.

These are the four features that will have guys lined up at your door to date you: your positive energy, your baggage handled, your finances in order, and good strong values. When you have these in order, all you have to do is get out there and let them know you. When you have the four features listed above--you can have your pick!

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

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Do You Know How to Kiss a Girl?


It's often said that a woman will judge a man as a sexual partner by the first kiss they share!

If a guy can give her a sensual, electric filled kiss, she'll start to wonder what he'll be like "in the sack". Furthermore, a well done kiss can quickly alter a woman's perception of a guy. In other words, he'll go from a dud to stud in no time!

That's why knowing how to kiss a girl is one of the most important skills that a guy can learn.

The problem with most men is they think they've already mastered the art of kissing. Many of them think their past experience with women makes them a master at kissing. But the truth is a lot of girls think that most of the guys they've kissed do not live up to their expectations.

So statistically speaking you probably need to learn how to kiss a girl.

The good news is learning how to kiss a girl is actually a fairly simple process. All you have to follow a simple formula which has been proven to work for hundreds of years.

It works like this...

First you should establish contact with her.

Jumping into a kiss without establishing any sort of body contact will end up surprising her. The best way to prepare her for a kiss is to touch her during your conversation. Whether it's her arm, shoulder or hair, touching her will do wonders for building attraction.

The next step is to get rid of any nervousness or tension.

If you've been talking to a girl for awhile, you can tell if she wants to be kissed. Usually she'll give you cues like maintaining eye contact or looking at your lips. When you see these signs, it means she wants to be kissed!

Since you see indicators which show she wants to be kissed, don't feel nervous! By demonstrating signs of interest, she's practically guaranteeing she won't reject your attempt to kiss her.

When you see signs of interest, don't hesitate! Go for the kiss!

You should lock eyes with her, angle your head, and then slowly move towards her. If you've read her signals right, she'll move towards you and the two of you will start to kiss.

Now once you're kissing her, it's important to start slowly and be gentle at first. While you might want to build passion and intensity, it's critical that you avoid jumping the gun and jamming your tongue down her throat.

By starting out in a slow sensual manner, you'll be able to build up an incredible amount of intensity which can be used later. As your kissing progresses, you can try open mouthed kisses and a little bit of tongue. A simple trick is to read her signals and follow what she wants.

The last step is to take the time to experiment and find out what she wants.

Try varying the intensity and kiss her in different places. This can mean her face, neck and the upper part of her chest. As you do this, you'll start to notice her reactions will be much more passionate.

Knowing how to kiss a girl is an important step to developing a *hot and heavy* encounter. If you take the time to build up intensity, it'll be easy to move beyond kissing into a more intimate scenario.

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How to Get the Man of Your Dreams and Romance Your Way Into His Heart




1) Romance a man by being supportive, know your role. This is easy romance tip to get your man. Relationships should balance each other out. If he spends too much time working, don't bother him about taking time off or forcing him to spend time with you. Most of the time if he comes home from a long day of work he wants to relax and let loose. Don't ask him about work unless he brings it up first. A simple "how was your day" is enough. It's not about the quantity of time you spend with him, its about the "quality" of time you spend with him. If he has goals, be by his side no matter what. If he fails, encourage him to try it again. Do not give him the feeling that you're holding him back from fulfilling his true potential in life.

2) Romance a man by being confident, show it. Men do not like insecure women. The best way to Romance a Man. If he tells you that you're beautiful be humble about it and show appreciation but don't melt in his hands over a simple compliment because he will learn to take advantage of that. Being around a woman with a high self-esteem is a privilege for most men. But, do not overpower that quality as you might come off as intimidating to most men. When the time is right, your man will propose a commitment to you when he feels ready. If you try to rush him, you're just going to scare him away for good. Be emotionally grounded, don't live a roller coaster type of life. Men want someone stable to take along his journey in life. Never act like a "Drama Queen" in front of him.

3) Romance a man by being classy, act with proper manners. It's the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, and the way you talk and react in most conversations. Men love classy women, they are like gold. Simple gestures should be acquainted like a simple scratch of his back, a soft kiss on the cheek, but nothing too "clingy". That comes later. A woman who respects herself is also desired in so many ways. So treat yourself good, carry yourself with pride, and most of all do it with class!

4) Romance a Man by being positive and have fun. You should be open to any suggestions he has even if its not to your taste. Whether its a plan to go to a basketball game or even a comedy show, just do it. This has nothing to do with changing your personality for him. It should not matter on what event he invites you to, just as long as you get to spend time with him is all that matters. Never show signs that your uptight or negative this is a real turn off.

Finding a secure and stable relationship is a must for most Women. Get the man of your dreams and keep him forever with the proper knowledge on how to read a man's emotions and give him what he needs. Become the woman every man wants. Learn more about the psychology of a man's mind and how to make him fall in love with you at this site How to Romance a Man

(ArticlesBase SC #542740)



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Are You Desirable?





Do you have attractive people asking you for dates, wanting to be near you, and pursuing your company? Are you known as someone who is desirable?

I have a client who moaned that no one ever asked her out. She said it was her age; her lack of choices in her small town; her less than Hollywood good looks. She had a lot of reasons. Unfortunately, those reasons did not make her feel good, nor bring her any closer to what she wanted in life.

We began to look at what she could do instead of what she could not; what was right about her instead of what was wrong; what her strengths were instead of what limitations existed.

We then began to explore what the word desirable really means. My client considered the following points:

* Take extreme care of yourself.

People are attracted to someone who indulges in extreme self care. This means to keep your doctor's and dentist's appointments, get to the gym, pay attention to your diet, get enough sleep, stay connected to the people you love, and do those activities that feed your spirit. It's hard to be desirable if you are missing any of these aspects.

* Give yourself more than you need.

If you want to operate from a strong personal foundation, you must have a reserve of energy, support systems, and financial resources. These qualities make you very desirable.

* Have a vision for your life.

Develop clarity around your vision for your life. How would you like to live, and what does that look like over the next year, five years, and ten years? Visualize your ideal life and then put a plan into action to make it come true. If you don't know how to do that, hire a mentor, coach, counselor or tutor. The key is to do something to move yourself forward toward your vision.

* Watch those external benchmarks.

Give up striving, pushing, commitments, and external benchmarks as indicators of your success. We don't need to become someone else--we need to become more of who we are and not neglect ourselves. We need the grace and wisdom to have goals and not be attached to the outcome.

* Be the best.

Living the life you admire, being someone you can be proud of is very attractive. Having expertise and developing a reputation for excellence make you desirable.

* Participating in your community.

Being an integral part of a strong community and improving the quality of life of those around you make you interesting and sought-after. You got to where you are today because others helped you. Identify five people you can help become happier and more successful and contribute to them in the ways you know how.

I am happy to say that my client now has many choices for dating.

Want to be more desirable? Adopt these practices and watch how you become more attractive--to everyone.


Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

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Wealthymen.com


Dating sites like WealthyMen.com, promise that their wealthy male members will meet hordes of only the most-beautiful women. But will you?

The underlying assumption, (actively promoted by the website's marketing materials), is that because only rich men are allowed to join, beautiful women will naturally be attracted to this dating site and will join up in large numbers. Since relatively few men will "qualify", while lots of women will be members, thus the men will be greatly outnumbered - making it much easier to meet lots of beautiful women, than with a "normal" online dating site.

The truth however, is quite different. For one thing, some members have reported being disappointed in the actual male-to-female ratio they found, after becoming a member. In fact, one female member said: ""I checked out this website, and unfortunately, while they claim to have 10 times more women then men on the website, it turns out to be UNTRUE! In fact, there are twice as many men as there are women!"

But if all the women on WealthyMen.com are Beautiful, then it doesn't matter how many of them there are - you will still meet lots of Gorgeous Girls, right? Not so fast, Casanova. You've got a bigger problem.

Think about it. These women are presumably signing up at this website (rather than one of the many other Dating Sites available), because they want to meet a man who is financially successful. Ok, so far.

But ALL the men on WealthyMen.com, are Guaranteed to be wealthy. In fact, the website boasts that it has "a one-of-a-kind income verification system where the income, pictures and professions are verified and confirmed". Which means YOU have NO advantage! Every one of your "competitors" is rich, just like you. And ALL the Beautiful Women members know it!

So rather than being a Dating Site where the men have their pick of beautiful women, in reality, it's the women who have their pick of wealthy guys! See the problem here? You could very well find the competition TOUGHER on this website, than any other Dating Site.

Now before you run off and join Desperate-Poverty-Dating-Site dot com, let me point out that a Rich Male Dating Site CAN work. But you have to know the Secrets - those insider tips that put you way ahead of the rest of the pack. You have to distinguish yourself from all the other guys on the website - so the best (and most beautiful) girls will pick YOU first!

First we need to define the problems, created by the unusual membership characteristics of WealthyMen.com:

#1: All the men on this kind of site are well-off financially. In other words, your bank account gives you NO advantage over your competition.

#2: All the girls assume that every male member on this kind of site, is only interested in how attractive a women is. In other words, all you want is sex. Nothing else.

#3: All the guys assume that every female member on this kind of site, is only interested in how rich a man is. In other words, all the girls want is money. Nothing else.

#4: All the men on this kind of site are professionals, management, business owners, or at least, very successful in their chosen field. In other words, your success gives you NO advantage over your competition.

As I said above, there ARE ways to move yourself to the "head of the class", and have the Beautiful Girls on these sites anxious to meet YOU first. Also, there are ways to separate the "gold-diggers" from the smart, fun and sexy women - that every guy wants to meet! (I lay out the details of how to do this, in the next article in this series - see below for the website where you can read that article.)

But for now, here are some details on the WealthyMen.com site itself:

-Male members must make over $100,000 per year

-Male members are verified using their "Wealthy Men Verification System"

-While it is free to sign up, usage of most services requires "upgrading" to a "Silver Membership" ($24.95 per month) or a "Gold Membership" ($34.95 per month)

-The site is International

-Current approximate membership: 20,000

-Age range: 18 and over

-Year established: 2002

In conclusion, merely joining WealthyMen.com will NOT get you any of the obvious advantages of this kind of website. There are Secrets to be learned first! Tactics and Techniques, which will place you First In Line, when every Beautiful Women decides who to meet first. And I will present a Full Plan to do exactly that (plus complete details on these Secret Techniques, including how to avoid the "gold-diggers" and find the Real Gems on WealthyMen.com), in my next article in this series at: http://jewishdating-service.blogspot.com/

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Living Together




Moving in with a partner and living together is something that people do not tend to think about. When things do not run smoothly it can cause problems in your relationship. Fixing things later can also raise questions from your partner. Here are some items that you need to think through

Your partner and you should think about money and how you are going to pay the bills. Who is going to be in charge of paying the bills? Will you both pay equal shares? Will you each pay from your own accounts or will you have a joint account that you both pay money into?

Although most people think that moving in together means sleeping in the same bed, this does not have to be the case. You can decide to sleep in the same bed as your partner or different beds. Different bedrooms could also be an option.

One partner will need more personal space than the other. Make sure that you both have somewhere to go to be alone and do not spend every waking moment together. Too much time together can give feelings of being smothered and overwhelmed. You do not have to watch TV together and you each need some activity that does not involve the other.

You will never realise the cleaning habits of your partner until you start to live together. Before you move in together, you need to be aware of who keeps things clean and who does not. Some agreement might need to be made to make sure that both your partner and you pulls their weight. An easy way to do thing is to agree on who does what jobs.

Living together demands more privacy and trust. Your partner needs to have the right to privacy without you feeling like you can not trust them. There will be some things that your partner does not want to share with you and you need to trust them that those things will not offend you if you found out.

When you move in, you will need to buy some furniture that is to both your partners and your liking. Also, you will need to agree on what will happen to these types of items if you did split apart later in the future.

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